Its the time...

Dear diary,

Hell a lot of things happened in my life
lately.

I suddenly found "me".

I'm not there yet but I'm getting a hint of how it
should
be.

Something happened and it makes me feel that what's
happening to me now, it's just a minor thing in life. I knew it earlier but
I
didn't want to accept it.

The truth is, I love myself the most when I was in
college.
I'm impressed by myself because I'm always motivated, I've my dreams
and I
knew I was going to make it come through. However, all of those have lost
when I put my feet into love. The sweetness and the dependence of love has
over-shine those values and I lost myself gradually. Anyway, that's what
love
does isn't it? It gives you a relieve from the hazardous life, a time
out from
the ups and downs. It makes problems no longer
problems.

You made me believe in love and now you're ruining
it.

Now that I've lost love, now that I knew that you
doubted your love on me. You don't love me strong enough that's why you've
doubts. I won't even think of letting go if I truly love, I wont allow, not
even
a second for that thought to come into my mind. But you're saying it
over and
over again, you're taking my tears for granted. It is a cruel fact
for me to
accept it. It's devastating, it's disappointing. You've broken my
heart and the
trust I built on you all this while. It is saddening,
extremely. But, I've done
what I can to save it. It didn't work simply
because you don't want it to
work.

Any reason that you gave, it's just an excuse.
Because there
is nothing love can't overcome. Unless love no longer
exists.

I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of tears falling
everyday. I'm tired of having my friends worrying about me constantly. I
don't
want to be that person anymore.

You made me waited every time, did I ever make you
wait?

Yes you did a lot of stuff that make you sounds
like a great bf, but why are you doing all those? Do you even know why? Or
you're just doing it because you thought that's what a great bf should
do?

I'm giving this a secret period of time for myself
to recover. By any chance if you gonna come back to me and coincidentally I'm not
yet recovered, then I'll probably give it another try. But, once I'm recovered,
then
that's it. The end of it.

You're selfish in love. And in love, no one should
be selfish.
You chose this. You hurt me with your words one time after another.
and you
know what hurt me the most? It is the part where you decided to dump me
just
because you think that you will hurt me again in the future. You don't even
think of stop hurting me, you don't even wanna try to give me happiness.
Instead, you think of giving me to another person. Am I your pet? What I am
to
you? You thought this is gonna heal me? No way, it will hurt me once and
for
all. It will make an impact to my life forever.

Problems will still occurred in any other love that
I would
have. The difference is whether I'm putting an effort to make this work.
There is no such thing as :can't be solved. That's what I believe. You're
trying
to impress me with how well you're brought-up by your religion. But
what I see
now is, you don't want to solve problems, you're avoiding the
problems and
finally you give up. Should I consent to any religion like
that? It's negative
and not worth it. I'm observing every
minute.

Maybe no one ever told you this, but I just wanna
tell
you, you're not mighty grand for being that "thoughtful", concerning about
my happiness. You knew you can give those to me but you refuse to. You're
just
foolish.

Adapted from april22childreborn...

She went through it...and she knows well
how it feels when someone that you love the most leave
you...

Took this blog entry...is not because i
am still in the dilemma, jz that it reflects what i had thought of all this
while...

Keep moving on~ He deserve nothing from
me anymore...